Eurovision and Britney Spears / Dumpy and Makeshift

Afternoon all.

I hate sunday afternoons, they should be relaxing but you can't help feeling pensive about going back to work tommorow, unless of course you're Britney Spears or the Singers at Eurovision, who, in a short time, a very different fate will await them.

I had the displeasure of being "in" last night and whilst cleaning the flat caught some but not all of the Eurovison song contest. Eventually I got tired of the constant "Fashion TV" sounding Euro-pop and Wogan's continual "once funny-now tired" jokes and eventually focussed on something else just as banal. Eurovision really is a waste of time and I really don't know why we watch it any more. Are we watching it because we are looking for the next Madonna? No. Are we watching it because it gives us insight into the Hosting country's culture? No. Are we watching it for the one unique occassion when two neighbouring countries might not actually give each other maximum points despite their music sounding like a Mule with dysentry's squidgy death fart? Possibly.

Lets look at a sample of last nights ear-bleedathon:
Great Britain: Nation of Great songwriters and a reasonably talented singer. So why did we pick a song that's music came straight from the "Come to Turkey" advert?
Malta: Ballad that could have come from South Park. I expected Trey Parker to walk on stage any moment and start singing, "Little man with no legs, you're full of strength, come kick this football with me........"
Ukraine: Marvelous, no really! Spandex rock straight from Van Halen / Europe school of crotch level rock. Like The Darkness but without the irony. I was expecting a big "Skoools Owt" from the singer at the end.
Turkey: "Libby Libby Ley". Nuff said.
Moldova: Singing in a new language I'd like to call Moldlish (Moldovian with English), this was very difficult to interpret especially with the tanned old peasant lady they seemed to have as a groupy. Still, nice to see that the evil Bond villain from "Never Say Never Again" didn't die and is now working as their drummer.
Albania: Not bad considering this is from a country whose finest invention is the word "Albanian".
Cyprus: Stole Albania's music.
Spain: 3 Chain smoking pillocks and Las Ketchup.
Israel: Ding Dong! Jessica Simpsons long lost Israeli cousin. Finally an act worth talking about.
Serbia: Straight from the Lindt / Milka chocolate archives of advertsing music.
Denmark: Unfortunately I could not hear the song as I had the hoover on, but going on previous form and the hand actions I'd guess the song was about Peter Schmeichel.
Sweden: Good to see a group singing a song about its most famous cultural aspect, erm Las Vegas.

And so on and so forth. And basically these pillocks can go home, pick up their not too bad pay-cheques and relax for a while, whilst the rest of us slave over a hot-desk (used to be stove but the phrase needs to be brought up to date with trends in multitasking and flexibility). But thankfully it won't last as...bringing me on to my next topic...neither will Britney Spear's fame.

Hands up who cares about Britney Spears anymore? Exactly. When Britney first appeared she was every male fantasy taboo. The whole "Oooh, I'm virgin white" cute sexy image drew in the crowds. Then when that didn't work she went slightly sexier, oops I did it again, "actually I have now had sex", and that drew in the crowds and slaked her record label's lust for money. Then, when the public actually realised that she couldn't sing and that people like Miss Aguilera could, her record label went "Right, next: mega sexyness and a video with the old Matriarch of pop: Madge". Meanwhile old Brit is partying, burning through her money, experimenting, marrying and crossing several lines from sexy, to tarty, to slutty, to ambivilent to fans and now down to trashy. And at the end of it all, post release of "Why don't ya do something" (like have singing lessons), she looks dumpy, burnt out, media-spent and eventually with nothing better to do than join the trailer hicks with alot less money, gets pregnant............and then decides to have a reality TV show.

Cue two of the most funny and cutting reviews you will ever ever ever ever see which illustrate the decline and fall of old Brit into another celeb who doesnt care about the rest of us wage slaves and spends money like it's going out of fashion. Entertainment Weekly's http://www.ew.com/ew/article/commentary/0,6115,1062735_3189966_0_,00.html
and a website called The Superficial: http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/000923.html

And yes let's remind ourselves next time we're laying in bed, staring at the ceiling at 6.37am on a wet Tuesday morning, wishing, just wishing we were at least financially stable, before our long traffic littered drive to that hovel we call work that at some point, once the money and fame has gone away, the only option for Britney, post pregnancy, to earn anything close to what she has been earning will be to slim down, tone up, and do Playboy. And then smile, cos you know she will.

Aint celebbing it hell?

Cat